How to Stop Teaching Your Toddler to Ignore You: 7 Tips

If your toddler appears to ignore you every time you say something, you are not alone–and here is the surprising truth: we might be accidentally teaching them to tune us out. As moms, we often repeat ourselves a hundred times, hoping they‘ll eventually listen, only to feel frustrated and unheard. I‘ve been there, stuck in that endless loop of “Did you hear me?!” while wondering if selective hearing is some kind of toddler superpower.

But what I‘ve learned through experience is that with a few mindful changes, we can break this habit and teach our little ones to truly listen. It‘s not just about getting their attention; it‘s about building a stronger, more connected relationship where communication flows naturally.

In this post, I’m sharing seven practical, mom-tested tips to help stop the cycle of being ignored. Let’s dive in and turn those blank stares into meaningful responses!

Are You Unknowingly Teaching Your Toddler to Ignore You?

If you’re like many parents, you may find yourself in a frustrating cycle of asking your toddler to do something—whether it’s tidying up, coming to the table for dinner, or putting on their shoes—and getting no response until you’ve repeated yourself multiple times, often raising your voice in the process. It’s exhausting, disheartening, and sometimes baffling: Why won’t they just listen the first time?

The surprising truth is that this frustrating behaviour can happen when we unintentionally teach our toddlers that they don’t need to respond until we’re frustrated, angry, or yelling. While it’s never our goal to teach our children to ignore us, the patterns of how we give instructions, our follow-up, and the expectations we set can send exactly that message.

In this post, we’ll explore why this happens, how to break the cycle, and, most importantly, how you can encourage your toddler to listen and respond the first time you ask. If you’re ready to reduce the number of times you repeat yourself and say goodbye to yelling, then this guide is for you!

How the Cycle Begins

It usually starts innocently enough. You ask your toddler to do something, but they don’t immediately comply. You ask again, perhaps a little more firmly, but still no action. Eventually, you raise your voice or stand over them, and only then do they begin to follow through. Sound familiar?

This common scenario teaches toddlers that they don’t have to act until you’ve escalated the situation. Over time, they learn that the first request isn’t something they need to take seriously—and the cycle continues. The good news is that you can break this pattern and set the stage for better listening with a few adjustments.

Step 1: Get Their Attention First

One of the most common reasons toddlers don’t respond is that they’re not fully engaged with you in the first place.

Think about it: toddlers are easily distracted, whether it’s a favourite toy, a show playing in the background, or simply their world of imagination. You’re setting yourself up for frustration when you issue a request without getting their attention.

To avoid this, stop what you’re doing and make sure they stop what they’re doing. This may involve pausing any screens, putting toys down, or even crouching down to their eye level to ensure they’re focused on you. Once you have their full attention, give the instructions clearly and directly.

Step 2: Be Present and Follow Through

Often, we ask toddlers to do something while we’re busy with our tasks. Maybe you’re cooking dinner, on your phone, or tidying up the living room when you call out, “Can you please put your toys away?” But because you’re multitasking, you’re not fully prepared to ensure the request is followed through, and your child knows that.

To change this dynamic, it’s important to be fully present when making a request. That means not only giving the instruction when you’re ready to follow up but also making sure you’re available to calmly enforce any consequences if your child doesn’t listen. The message you’re sending is: I’m serious about this, and I’m ready to ensure it gets done.

Step 3: Use Clear, Positive Instructions

Toddlers are still learning what words mean, and abstract or negative commands can sometimes confuse them. For example, if you say, “Don’t touch that!” or “Stop running around!” your toddler may focus more on what you don’t want them to do without understanding what they should be doing instead.

A more effective approach is to tell them exactly what you want. Instead of “Stop running,” you might say, “Walk next to me.” Instead of “Don’t touch,” try “Please keep your hands to yourself.” Being clear and positive helps your toddler understand your expectations and feel more inclined to follow through.

Step 4: Avoid Giving Them the Option to Say No

Toddlers are strong-willed, and giving them the choice to comply or not can lead to unnecessary power struggles. For example, asking, “Do you want to get in the car?” implies that “no” is an acceptable answer, which can lead to resistance. Instead, you can say, “It’s time to get in the car,” or “Let’s get in the car now.”

When you remove the option for refusal and phrase instructions as statements, it provides clarity and reduces opportunities for defiance.

Step 5: Establish Consequences—and Follow Through

Consequences are essential in teaching toddlers that your requests are serious. If you’ve fallen into the habit of repeating yourself multiple times before they comply, it’s time to make a change. Instead of waiting for the third or fourth request, set a clear consequence for not following through after the first request.

For example, if your child is playing with toys and refuses to put them away, you might say, “If you don’t put your toys away, I will have to pack them up for the day.” The key here is consistency. If your child doesn’t comply, follow through with the consequences without anger or frustration. Over time, they’ll begin to realise that you mean what you say the first time.

Step 6: Offer a Rewarding Alternative

Sometimes, toddlers resist because they feel like they’re missing out on fun. You can counteract this by offering a rewarding alternative after a less desirable task. For instance, if your child dislikes cleaning up, you can say, “First, we’ll clean up the toys, and then we’ll go to the park.” By framing the task as something that leads to a more enjoyable activity, your toddler is more likely to cooperate without a fuss.

Step 7: Model the Behavior You Want to See

If your toddler still doesn’t follow your instructions, it’s helpful to model the behaviour you want to see. Using the example of tidying up, you could start by picking up a toy and putting it in the toy box yourself, saying, “I’m putting the blue car in the box.” Then pause, giving them a moment to follow suit. When they do, praise them: “Great job putting your toy away!” Modelling the action helps reinforce the behaviour you want while encouraging them to participate.

Overcoming Challenges with Patience and Consistency

If you’ve been stuck in the cycle of asking, repeating, and eventually yelling, the switch to using clear instructions and consistent consequences may feel challenging at first. Your toddler may protest, cry, or even throw a tantrum when they realise you’re serious. This is natural, but it’s crucial to remain calm, patient, and consistent.

Remember, the goal is to teach them that you expect listening and compliance the first time, not after multiple requests. While it may take some time and persistence, the long-term benefits include fewer tantrums, a more cooperative toddler, and a happier household overall.

Final Thoughts

Breaking the cycle of teaching your toddler to ignore you isn’t as hard as it seems. By getting their attention, being clear, setting consequences, and staying consistent, you’ll quickly see positive changes. Your toddler will learn to listen the first time—no more repeating yourself, no more frustration.

These strategies will help your toddler develop valuable listening and communication skills. Give it a try, and enjoy the calmer, happier moments that follow!